Tumor progression

Wednesday August 21 we got devastating news. Bree had an MRI and it showed that her tumor has grown about a half inch. Her doctor told us that we are taking her off the temodar and going to put her on a combination of meds, avastin and irinotecan. Avastin attacks the growth of new blood vessels. We are doing this in hopes that it starves the tumor. Avastin costs more than my house! Irinotecan is a strong chemo than temodar. It attacks the cancer cells differently than temodar. I was so in shock with the news that I didn't catch how it attacks differently. We are waiting on insurance to approve these meds before we start them. If these meds don't work there is nothing else we can do treatment wise. The doctor doesn't think she'll make it to Christmas.
I've done nothing but cry and throw up since Wednesday. She is doing so well with no symptoms. I thought for sure the tumor was stable. I was caught so off guard. I have no words to express my emotions. I feel like I've already lost her a thousand times and now I get to watch her deteriorate and slowly die. A 3 year old should not have to go thru this. I have no words.