Bricks

I cried again today.  It seems like there's always something new to cry about.  I try hard not to cry.  I try really hard to hold my cool and be strong for my little girl.  Yesterday will be a week of chemo and a week and a half of radiation.  She is finally starting to lose her hair.  I had her in the tub and I washed her face and 7 eye lashes fell out at once!  I couldn't help myself...I just started crying.  I know that she is going to be beautiful no matter what she looks like but it finally felt real today.  She's going to lose her long lashes and her beautiful ringlets!  I knew it was coming and I expected it but I was not prepared for the emotions involved with it.  I don't want this horrible nightmare to be real and I've done really good about ignoring it.  The feeding tube and meds I can glaze over but the hair lost hit me like a ton of bricks.  I don't want to lose her.  Once again I'm clinging to her saying "Don't leave me."