Worst Mom Ever
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Ugh!! I'm going to lose it! Brylee has done nothing but whine and yell at me all day long. I'm trying so hard to stay calm and be nice because I know she is most likely miserable right now. But it is taking all my power not to yell back at her. I can't walk into the other room without her yelling at me "Come sit by me right now!" Or yelling at her brother to get out! If she's not yelling at someone she's either crying or whimpering. I ask her what is wrong so maybe I could fix it and all she does is stare at me! She won't even say yes or no when I ask her a question! I just want to punch the wall or go outside and scream at the top of my lungs. I have no idea why I'm losing my patience so much today but really!? I swear if one more person yells at me I'm going to punch them right in the face!!! I'm trying to be compassionate and understanding. And I get it that she is uncomfortable and miserable and is probably frustrated because she doesn't understand what is going on but honestly...Does she have to be this rude?
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I'm sorry. This is so hard. On one hand- steroids. What can you do? The steroids make it worse. On the other, she needs to get in trouble. Seriously. That is how she knows things are going to be okay (even if they're not, she needs reassurance). If it is normal for you to not put up with this behavior she's actually freaking out because she knows something must be really wrong if you're not getting mad. Obviously you have to do what you feel is best, but kids need routine and structure. If it is your routine and structure to not put up with whining, she needs to see that you still aren't going to put up with it. That's what child life has really stressed to us. The first time after dx that I finally yelled at Daph I felt like THEWORSEHUMANBEINGEVER. But it brought some much needed normalcy to our situation and she really brought her behavior down a notch or two.
ReplyDeleteYou know, this one resonates with me the most. I am not going through anything nearly as challenging as you. But often I get wrapped up in my emotions and say and do things that I wouldn't ever normally do. You are under a lot of stress right now and your little girl is not being the little girl you know and love. Its okay if you have moments of imperfection. You are not perfect. And that's okay. It would suck to be perfect. Imagine the weight that would be on your shoulders then! You are doing amazing darling! Truly amazing handling the situation that was given to you. You are loving your little girl the best that you know how and its okay if that isn't perfect all the time. Hug her tighter tonight. Kiss her cheeks. And remember that this too will pass. You are far from being a bad mother. You are an excellent, loving, and kind mother who wants the best for your children. Don't listen to the lies that are being whispered into your head. Hugs!
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