I'm so overwhelmed with guilt the past few days. As I learn more and more about the symptoms of this stupid brain tumor the more I realize how horrible of a mother I've been. I've been so impatient with my sweet little angel. I hated the fact that she refused to do the stairs I would constantly tell her to hurry up or no I'm not going to carry you up the stairs. And now I realize she had no depth perception due to the tumor. And the tumor makes her muscles weak so she literally could not do the stairs. I feel so bad about all the times we would be walking through the store and I would tell her to hurry up and that she needed to hold my hand tighter. I feel bad that while she was on the ground groaning because she most likely had a head ache I would just ignore her. Out of all my children she is the one that I have had the hardest time with when it comes to patience.
Looking back I realize how lucky and blessed I am to even know this sweet daughter of our Heavenly Father. He trusted me enough to give me one of his most cherished spirits. I will forever cherish the moments that she has climbed into my lap just to be near me, the moments that all she wanted to do was sleep next to me during the night because she was scared of the dark. I will also cherish the moments that she loves me enough to never want to part with me. I will always cherish the moments when I would take her to school or dance or nursery and she would cling to my leg and say "Don't leave me mama!" I will never understand how she has such the capacity to love me so unconditionally. And now the tables have turned. I'm the one now clinging to her and saying "Don't leave me."