So I know I had a temper tantrum yesterday and I just have to say that I don't feel guilty about it. I have every right to feel and say what I want to say during this traumatic trial. I have every right to be hurt, angry, sad, fearful, happy, impatient, and loving. I'm hurt that my family is once again going through another trial. I'm angry at Heavenly Father for allowing us to go through this. I'm sad that I'm losing my baby girl. I'm fearful of the future. I'm happy that I know she is leaving so I can make every minute count and get my head around it. I'm impatient because I don't enjoy going through the heartache everyday and I just want this 'cup to pass.' I'm loving for the precious moments I get to have with her and my family. Loving for the support, prayers, help and love from family and friends. Love for my Heavenly Father, that I'm still angry at, for giving me this beautiful girl for a small moment. I'm not the only one who has thrown a temper tantrum. Joseph Smith threw one in D&C 121. When he was in jail he had a moment when he was very angry with Heavenly Father and asked where he was and why he was allowing his saints to go through the nightmare they were in. Jesus Christ threw a very minor temper tantrum in the garden of Gethsemane when he asked Heavenly Father to let this cup pass from him. But just as he did I told Heavenly Father that it wasn't about what I wanted it was about what he wanted for me.
I know that I have offended some people with this blog and with other things I have said and done the past few weeks. My feelings are valid and normal feelings. I have every right to feel how I want and need to. And I have every right to voice them however and where ever I want to. I'm not sorry that I'm a blunt, straight forward kind of person. I've been this way my whole life and I carry my emotions on my sleeve for the whole world to see. I'm not ashamed or embarrassed to share or show how I feel. I hope that in some way it may be able to eventually help someone else down the road. I guarantee that there will be a mom out there that finds herself in my shoes. With all that I'm going through I will be able to help her and tell her that what she is feeling is normal. I don't need rude comments right now telling me that I need to keep certain things to myself. If this blog offends you then stop reading it because it's not changing. This is who I am take it or leave it.